you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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