THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
