A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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