just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
