i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
