i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
