The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize