is your mom at the bar?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Someone came in the potted fern
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
