What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
