i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
