Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
