I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
