I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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