I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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