I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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