..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
