All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
