we made out on top of his cat.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
