I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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