Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
