I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
