ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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