You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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