why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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