i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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