saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
