I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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