can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
