I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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