Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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