I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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