Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
