just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
