my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize