hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
