im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
