He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
