Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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