Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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