she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
