Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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