Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this just has baby written all over it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
