I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
