i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
