My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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