fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
