I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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