i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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