We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
