I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
