i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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