my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
