Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
