She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
