No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
