David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
