she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
