you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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