I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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