you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
