Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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