I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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