I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
