First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
