i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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