thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
