I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
