I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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