last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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