im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
