Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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