i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
