Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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