I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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